Posted by: datingoptimist | January 4, 2010

Rule #3: I Will Not Pay

Rule #3

I will not pay for any first dates.  If any dates  push-back on paying for the first date,  I will holler internally, from the depths of my soul, “Next!”. 

My single friends and I are relatively successful in life.  We are not millionaires by any means, but we can afford to buy a car when the old one rots, and we can afford to buy ourselves organic food at the grocery store.   However, we all suffer from the same very odd malady: We all feel compelled to pay for the date’s dinner and drinks.  I am not sure how this started, but I had to thoroughly review the necessity of this behavior.

With hindsight,  I believe my intent was to show my date a few things about me, such as:

1. I am self-sufficient.

2. I don’t owe you anything when the date is complete.

3. I don’t need you, I can take care of myself.

I wondered if that was the right message.  I have heard that men like to have a woman need them (a task that has troubled me through the years).  I have learned from past experiences that the more I prove my independence, the more independent I became.   The movie The Secret taught me that we call to the Universe for what we want.  I had an aha moment – I was making a call to the Universe for independence, and that is exactly what I got.   So moving forward with my new Project Plan to find the love of my life, I would let him pay for at least the first date.  

 I would accept his kind gesture and thoughtfulness with grace and class, by thanking him sincerely, even if the date did not go well. 

Sounds like a great idea so far, but later I learned not all men want to pay for the first date, and at times, this became a bit of a trick to get them to pay for the first date.  Anytime I got push back on paying for the first date, I eliminated the candidate.   Not because he was a bad guy, but because he wasn’t the right guy for me.  The guy that would be the right guy for me would be charming, kind, and witty.  It was all based on his behavior, on that first date.

 I will explain my strategy for gracefully getting the men to pay for the first date, in my later chapters which reviews each of the 18 dates I had in three weeks.  Yes, you read that right – 18 dates in 3 weeks,  and as I have said earlier – it was  a lot of work, which was far worth the effort.

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