Posted by: datingoptimist | January 3, 2010

Rule #2: I Will Solicit Help

Rule #2.

I acknowledge that this process requires help from my committee, as I  have clearly demonstrated that I cannot do this alone. The committee serves as my support and guidance, and consists of a team of people who love me.  However, I am in charge of selecting and approving the best male candidate, who is healthy for my life.

I think I can confidently say that as a woman over forty, who is still looking for the love of her life, I needed help.  We all know the true definition of insanity – to continue to do the same task over and over, while expecting a different outcome.  I was growing tired of being insane.  Insanity is exhausting and the outcome is always the same.  I dated a million guys and it never worked out.

The best advice on dating came from my three friends; Lisa, Laura and Leena.  These women would be called The Committee, and the new guy in my life would need to have their blessing.

1. Lisa:  A friend of mine for 15 years.  Lisa found her perfect match on Yahoo Personals, and I truly adore this guy.  

In a year of dating,  she communicated with about 30 guys, for less than a week each.  She had a policy about dating.  She knew when to call it quits, and this knowledge arrived early in the courtship, without any warning to the guy.  She reminded me of a dating Ninja. 

She dated a fellow named Jed who called in sick for the first day of work for his new job.  Shortly afterwards he received a karate kick to the relationship, without ever seeing it coming.  And then she was off to the next one.  While it may seem crude, Lisa did find a great guy, and she wasted no time with the men that were not healthy for her. 

Another aha moment.  Was I taking too long to do my evaluation of mates?  Yes indeed.  I usually gave a man 2 – 5 years before I decided he was not healthy for me.  Surely I could do better than that for my new Project Plan to find a man.

Another key point about Lisa, is that she doesn’t hold any thing back when talking to you.  She is straight shooter and will cut it to me straight.  She reminds me a bit of Judge Judy.   She would be essential for my project plan to make sure I stay on track.

2. Laura: A friend for 20+ years, and in the quest with myself to find the love of her life.  I love hearing about her dating stories.  We learn from each other and support each other, and like Lisa,  she is not shy about telling me the truth as she sees it.  She has a softer touch than Lisa, but will still give me the cold hard truth if I need it.  And I needed it.

3. Leena:  A single girlfriend who lives nearby in an 800 square foot apartment, with two kids, two cats and a dog.  There is no room for her to live there, so she visits my home often.  I sometimes refer to her as Kramer (from Seinfeld) because my house is practically hers.  I love her and her children, and she is an excellent listener.  She would prove to be an excellent male candidate screener for my Project Plan, as well.

All of the women above had their strengths that I called upon as needed.  However,  I would  decide who I would date and who I would reject.  I did not give up full control.  From the Project Management perspective, these were my key stakeholders, that would need to review and approve the plan, and attend regular status updates meetings. 

The best part of this plan was that my friends, who I loved, made this all the more fun, which was Rule #1.

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