Posted by: datingoptimist | January 2, 2010

Rule #1: This Will Be Fun

Rule #1.

First and foremost, dating will be fun. I will not get discouraged or feel hopeless. I will not settle. It is simply a fun process, which serves to facilitate a long-term goal, investing in my best interests.

This rule was important for me to get my mind straight on the dating process for today.   To understand this rule in its fullest,  one must first understand a bit of history that got me into this dark cloudy state of affairs.

This was going to be a lot of work.  I had settled quickly in the past for the first guy that gave me some attention for a series of reasons, which with hindsight, were ridiculously unhealthy illogical deductions.  Here is a sample of a few:

1. It was fate that brought us together, therefore he must be a good life mate.

2. He deserves at least 3 -6 months of my best foot forward, and I’ll get to see his.  I can overlook the fact that he lives with his Mother.

3. He is really cute and has a great smile, therefore this can work.  I can live looking at him everyday.

4. He will do,  and I am tired of dating anyway. This dating process is bullshit a lot of work.

5. I just want somebody to go to the movies with me tonight, and I am sick of dating.

I can’t tell you how many of my friends get exhausted from dating, and I was the same way.  I took breaks from dating.  I let my blood pressure rise when a man behaved poorly.  I sat and sulked when the right guy hadn’t appeared yet.  I have had the feelings of sadness overwhelm me when I thought of growing old alone.  All of those thoughts foster a spirit of negativity, and I was deeply embedded in it.

I was watching Oprah one day and she had a special on the movie, The SecretIt seemed like something that I should view, so I bought it.  If you haven’t rented the movie, do it immediately.  For those of you who haven’t seen the movie yet – I will give the one-liner review for you: Like Attracts Like.  Negative people attract negative people; Healthy people attract healthy people, and so on.

I had an aha moment.  I had spent all of my time thinking of the part about dating that sucked.  I was miserable and everyone who knew me, knew I had a bad dating story ready in pocket to tell.  This had to change.  So in an instant, I started changing the way I wrote, the way I spoke, the way I looked, and the way I felt about dating.  No more negative words from me, and that included how I wrote my internet dating profile, to my words I spoke out loud to myself every morning.  This made a huge impact on my ability to find the right guy for me.   If I wanted a positive healthy guy for me, I would have to be the positive healthy woman for him, because like attracts like.

Thank you Oprah.

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